Archive | December, 2016

Erika M

30 Dec

https://901pacific.wordpress.com/2014/02/22/mom-angry/#comment-2837

https://901pacific.wordpress.com/2013/06/20/candy-crush-57-not-75/#comment-1692

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Select comment Erika M
erikam1998@yahoo.com
24.142.171.98
You explained your reasons very well and in great detail. While I don’t understand why you feel as strongly as you do about this, or necessarily agree with your policy, I have to respect it.

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an aha moments stands the test of time
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2013/09/10 at 6:01 pm
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Select comment Erika M
erikam1998@yahoo.com
24.142.171.98
Tom, you had to know that this post was coming! Your recent posts regarding phone calls with your ex-mother-in-law and brother-in-law reminded me of why I make it a daily habit to read your blog- your unusual relationships and ways of relating to others fascinates me!

Here are my thoughts on your recent posts (not that you or anyone asked for them- but since you put these things out there in a public forum, it seems to make them fair game for comments and questions)…

ONE: Why are you so vehemently opposed at the thought of speaking to your ex-wife? Obviously, most people do not particularly enjoy speaking to an ex-spouse, and given the choice would probably prefer not to have to do so. Although I could be wrong, I’m guessing that your ex-wife’s purpose in calling was not a social call (after all the details you have shared here, I highly doubt that she called just to say hello or to see how you enjoyed your recent Florida vacation). I’m guessing that it had something to do with either your children or possibly your delinquent financial commitments which you have previously mentioned. If the call was regarding these situations or something similar, I think you owe her the courtesy of at least a small amount of your time. Once two people have created human life together, there will probably always be the need for some interaction even if the humans are grown or nearly grown such as in the case of your son and daughter. I see awkward interactions all the time between exes at numerous events that my own children are involved in (exes exchanging details about picking up and dropping off kids and other various “housekeeping” type details). I’m sure that these people would probably prefer to bang their heads against the wall rather than have these interactions but they are necessary. I know that you live far from your children, but I imagine there are still things involving them that would require some conversation with your ex. So I’m curious- what’s the big deal? Take her call, address the issue at hand and move on.

TWO: Why on earth are you calling her mother and brother to involve them in this? As unhappy as you appear to be about being contacted by your ex-wife, I can only imagine them being equally unhappy to hear from you and I would expect them to react with some displeasure if not outright hostility. Why do you expect them to intervene on your behalf to communicate to your ex-wife? If I received such a call, I would tell the caller that I am not my daughter or sister’s keeper and to kindly leave me out of it.

THREE: Why did you call your ex-mother-in-law only to then tell her that you didn’t have time for a lengthy phone call? I imagine that such an awkward call would be best dealt with all at once and not carried over until another day. If this was uncomfortable with your wife present, why not just take the phone and go outside?

FOUR: I’m glad to hear that you have set a self-imposed deadline (even if it is still six or seven months away) to put the family reunion debacle behind you. It’s natural to feel betrayed and upset as you do, but to continue to agonize over and think about it isn’t good either. Do yourself and your family a favor and move on.

FIVE: Your description of having fun at your ex-father-in-law’s expense is exactly why I’m fascinated about what makes you tick. Most people would have no interest in being on the receiving end of such abuse and yet you seem to revel in it!

All I know is that when the movie, “Doody – His Life and Times” hits the theaters I will be the first in line!

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Leo: you’re out of your league
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2013/09/09 at 6:02 pm
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Select comment Erika M
erikam1998@yahoo.com
24.142.171.98
Tom, if you really want to reestablish contact with your brother, I think you should try a less public forum- something like a good old fashioned phone call or letter (this way someone such as myself won’t be able to jump on it before he even sees it). I think your brother is obviously more of a private person than you are and might be more willing to communicate with you if he didn’t feel that the whole conversation would be posted online. This situation relates back to my previous comment about how I would be mortified if such personal details of my life and relationships were made public. I think your brother feels the same way.

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I have no plans to be secretive
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2013/09/03 at 4:29 pm
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Select comment Erika M
erikam1998@yahoo.com
24.142.171.98
I truly hope I didn’t mess up a potential reconciliation with your brother- that certainly wasn’t my intention. I guess that I assumed that what you posted here was simply a copy of what you had e-mailed to him. I didn’t really even consider that he would be reading your blog. I see from your sarcasm that you’re not too concerned about it, but I still hope that my comment didn’t kill the chance that your brother would reply. Maybe you can clarify for anyone who is interested how what you post here is copied or seen by others elsewhere?

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I feel terrible
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2013/08/28 at 1:35 pm
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Select comment Erika M
erikam1998@yahoo.com
24.142.171.98
Nice move reaching out to your brother. I hope the two of you can connect, mend fences and move past your differences. I am interested, though, why you would be upset with your brother if he was the one behind the attempt to eff with your 2011 vacation, but you would give your mother a free pass if it turns out she was the one behind it. I’m also curious about the late notice of your son’s car accident. Although I’ve read your blog for the past few years, I don’t recall you ever elaborating on that situation. Did your family really not notify you in a timely manner? If that was the case, I can’t imagine why you would be okay with this. Even if you were the worst father in the world (and I have no cause to believe that was the case), you had the right as David’s father to be notified immediately- no matter how strained your relationship with your ex-wife and siblings were at that time. Anything less than immediate notice is unacceptable in my book. I find it reprehensible that this terrible news was kept from you.

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a man among women
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2013/08/26 at 5:24 pm
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Select comment Erika M
erikam1998@yahoo.com
24.142.171.98
I’m not going anywhere! This blog is a combination of entertainment, news, reality, poignant personal glimpses and occasionally a train wreck. I can’t look away!

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Did Erika give me notice?
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2013/08/08 at 1:46 pm
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Select comment Erika M
erikam1998@yahoo.com
24.142.171.98
Tom- I’m interested as to why the death of your son led to you being basically excommunicated from your family. It’s been my experience that such a tragic situation normally has the exact opposite effect on a family. Instead of exclusion, normally family members would be going out of their way to include the wounded member. Was your ex-wife treated the same way? If not, it seems that your family chose sides when your first marriage ended and for some reason chose the non-blood relative to side with. Again- not typical behavior in my experience. For readers of your blog, I imagine that it would be interesting to hear the counter-argument to your side of the story. Not that you’re not being truthful- I don’t doubt that. I’d just be curious to hear the other side of the story. Hope you enjoy your vacation!

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mamas don’t let you’re babies grow up to be cowboys
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2013/08/05 at 8:14 pm
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Select comment Erika M
erikam1998@yahoo.com
24.142.171.98
Interesting to think about… the road not taken. Actually it wouldn’t take something as major as being a more serious college student to put you in a completely different spot today (I’m sure you’ve heard of “The Butterfly Effect”). What if you would have left for work one minute earlier in 1988 and been hit by a speeding truck? What if your ex-wife “wasn’t in the mood” the night that one of your children was conceived? You get the idea. You can definitely make your brain hurt thinking about stuff like this. The bottom line is- you wouldn’t know the difference! I can only tell you that for me personally, although I may have regrets about things I’ve done or choices I’ve made in life, but my kids are so important to me that I can’t imagine them not existing or being “different kids”. I can honestly say that if I had my life to live over again, I wouldn’t want to change a single thing1 at least not up until after the moment that my youngest child was conceived.

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textbooks were not this interesting
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2013/07/03 at 3:35 pm
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Select comment Erika M
erikam1998@yahoo.com
24.142.171.98
I would certainly agree that your readers listen voluntarily. Most of us find your blog, moving, entertaining, funny, touching, realistic, ridiculous, truthful and self-effacing- that’s why we keep reading. However, most of us aren’t the topic of one of your blogs (yes- I know I’ve been the topic of several blogs but that’s different because I am completely anonymous). I would venture that at least a small portion, though they may be there voluntarily, are checking your blog nervously to see what information you may have posted about them. Don’t discount the likely possibility that your ex-wife, son, daughter, siblings, and ex-friends and neighbors are among your readers.

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cyberspace and Erika
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2013/06/27 at 6:40 pm
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Select comment Erika M
erikam1998@yahoo.com
24.142.171.98
Tom, cyberspace definitely hasn’t heard the last of me, but I doubt that it will ever hear too many details of my personal life! I think your use of blogging and other social media is probably a form of “venting” for you and I understand that completely. Though I’m fairly private with what I post online (Facebook, twitter, etc.) I’ve been known to vent and air my family’s dirty laundry to friends and neighbors (many times to the great dismay of my spouse) and it definitely feels good to get it off my chest. The difference is that unless I were to disclose some very huge piece of information (“I robbed a bank”, “I just won the lottery, “I have a terminal illness) or some other tremendously juicy piece of gossip it is unlikely that the information that I shared would get too far beyond the person or persons I’m sharing it with. In other words, childhood friends, family members, ex-spouses, high school classmates, neighbors and anyone with a computer aren’t going to be able to learn of the fight I had with my spouse, the argument I had with a sibling or some other piece of personal information. Have you ever considered the possibility that you were excluded from your family reunion simply because one or more of your siblings couldn’t stand the thought of having their every move and action being examined and scrutinized for potential blog material? I think that everyone has their own comfort level regarding how much personal information they want shared about themselves. I can remember listening to Howard Stern a number of years ago when he was still in his first marriage and recall hearing him talk about how much his wife hated that everything that happened between them was open game for discussion on the radio. Perhaps on a smaller scale that’s how many of your friends and family feel.

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cyberspace and Erika
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2013/06/27 at 6:04 pm
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Select comment Erika M
erikam1998@yahoo.com
24.142.171.98
Tom, I think you’re making a mountain out of a molehill. It sounds to me like your sister was telling you the truth- there is storm damage and the condo is currently unusable. I can understand how after being excluded from your family reunion you would be quick to assume the worst, but I think in this case you probably over-reacted. As for why she didn’t get back to you immediately, I can think of several reasons. ONE: She isn’t as wired into the instant communication that you are (e-mail, blogs, twitter, Facebook, etc.) and she may not have seen your message right away. TWO: She obviously has a strained relationship with you and may have wanted to put off what she knew would end up being some sort of inevitable confrontation (inconsiderate of her perhaps, but definitely human nature). I think you need to realize that not everyone is as comfortable as you seem to be with having their lives be an open book online. Although it definitely makes for interesting reading for your readers, I imagine that she (as well as other family members, friends, acquaintances, etc.) don’t necessarily appreciate having what should probably be a private exchange with you thrown out into cyberspace for anyone to view. I would be mortified to have my family members post some of the things about me that you have posted about your family members over the years. Just my two pennies worth.

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Candy Crush 57 not 75
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2013/06/20 at 7:58 pm
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Select comment Erika M
erikam1998@yahoo.com
24.142.171.98
Tom, I didn’t mean my earlier reply to be taken strictly as a criticism of you as a father. I’ve been reading your blog for several years now and it is very obvious that you love your kids (I understand your daughter is an adult and technically no longer a kid, but offspring sounds too formal so for the purpose of this discussion, I’m sticking with “kids” or “children”). You’re right- I don’t understand your stubbornness or reason for estrangement. I do remember you posted several months ago about a couple you used to be friends with who were very critical of your attempt to reach out to them when you paid a visit to your children not long after your divorce. If I recall this was at least part of the reason you stopped visiting. I’m sure you have deeper reasons than that, but certainly you never should have allowed that to be any part of your decision. What business was that of theirs? They should be ashamed of themselves for sticking their noses where they don’t belong. I also understand that divorce and hostility from an ex-spouse’s side of the family can be uncomfortable and hard to deal with as well. Again- I’m sure you have your reasons and I can’t pretend to know what they really are. I also didn’t properly express myself regarding my statement that you must have done something really bad for your son & daughter to not want you in their lives. It might be more accurate to say that they must at least perceive that you have somehow done something wrong or hurtful to them. My point, though, is that you should take whatever steps are necessary to repair your relationships with both of them as soon as possible. You are the grownup here, not them- act like it! (Yes I know that your daughter is an adult but I think you know what I mean). If you were like a lot of absentee fathers who don’t really seem to care at all about their children, then I wouldn’t be wasting my energy typing this. But it’s obvious that you do care- and obviously care very much. That’s why it would be much better for your mental health if you try to repair the damage before it is too late! Time moves pretty quickly and before you know it, the middle-age American living in New Jersey near the Lincoln tunnel will be the elderly American living in Florida at the Shady Valley Rest Home.

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Lester and now Erika
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2013/06/12 at 4:54 pm
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Select comment Erika M
erikam1998@yahoo.com
184.56.136.196
I’ll weigh in on this too. It seems to me that you could eliminate a lot of the stress and worry in your life if you would just reach out and heal the rift you have with your kids. I don’t understand your stubbornness or the reason for your estrangement. Every divorce doesn’t have to end the relationship a father has with his children so I’m lead to believe that you must have done something really bad to have them cut you out of their lives like this. My simple advice to you is this: just get out there and make things right before it is too late with them (as it was with David).

Erika
erikam1998@yahoo.com
104.230.18.222
Tom, I’m confused. I thought you got your son’s phone number a few weeks ago and talked to him. What did he do- change his number?? Inquiring minds want to know.

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ready4Christmas
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2015/12/10 at 11:13 am
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Select comment Erika M
erikam1998@yahoo.com
104.230.18.222
Tom, you never fail to fascinate me. I was reading this post and feeling your pain for getting snubbed on Facebook. I bet everyone who is on Facebook has had that happen to them at one time or another and it truly hurts. I was feeling particularly bad about your kids blocking you and then I read this bombshell comment, “I requested my exwife, Angie before, but I skipped her this year.” I had to reread that several times. Seriously? Why would you want to be friends with someone on Facebook that you have a self-imposed no-talk-to rule policy in place with? I remember calling you out on this some months back when this policy was tripping you up with regards to a court appearance. So again I ask, why? What would be the point in being Facebook friends with an ex-wife that you won’t even speak to and more importantly don’t want to speak to? Please enlighten me!

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annual facebook holiday snubs
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2016/12/06 at 4:38 pm
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Select comment Erika M
erikam1998@hotmail.com
104.230.18.222
Okay Tom- don’t leave us hanging. What on earth could you have said in your speech that made everyone so uncomfortable? Funerals are emotional times (particularly when the funeral is for a young person), so it must have really been something unusual to cause your family to shun you for years (assuming, of course, that your friend’s theory is correct). Inquiring minds want to know- please enlighten us!

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tracing my family rift
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2016/10/24 at 3:22 pm
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Select comment Erika M
erikam1998@yahoo.com
104.230.18.222
Tom, you bring up an excellent point when you ask, “If they weren’t able to access so much information about me, then maybe more of my links would strengthen?” I’ve wondered about this when reading your blog too. Maybe some of the business contacts you are trying to make have second thoughts after reading so much personal information about you. Some of your posts relating to family would definitely seem a little bit strange if taken out of context. Readers such as myself who have read your blog for years now probably have a fairly accurate picture of you, but a potential business contact could get a distorted view of you and be scared off if they only read a few of your posts.

I also thought it was unusual the way you would tell someone that you were soliciting for debt relief that you also delivered food for Postmates. That definitely isn’t something that I personally would have mentioned. If you were marketing debt relief to me, the thoughts that would have crossed my mind would have been, “What does a food delivery guy know about debt relief?” or “If this guys is any good at this, then why does he have another job delivering food?” In other words I would definitely have concerns about opening up my books to you.

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whole life digital potpourri
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2016/07/06 at 2:00 pm
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Select comment Erika M
erikam1998@yahoo.com
104.230.18.222
Tom, I think the bottom line here is that your policy worked in this case, and appears that it will continue to work since you seem to be on decent terms with Luke. In fact, since it works, it’s actually probably for the better. I don’t imagine that most rational people want to have any more interaction or dialogue with an ex than is absolutely necessary and given the choice would probably choose to avoid it altogether if possible. So since you’re policy seems to be working- kudos to you and far be it for me to criticize it. Of course I do reserve the right to criticize it should it cause you to trip and fall flat on your face somewhere down the road!

I also think that I wasn’t really taking the uniqueness of your situation into account either. I know many divorced people but none of them are really in the same situation that you are. Most have children that are still minors and most live within the same general metropolitan area as their ex-spouse and kids so there is much more cause for interaction. It’s pretty hard to not communicate directly when you are sharing custody, attending kids’ sporting events, concerts, activities etc. In fact, I can’t imagine how under those conditions your policy would work well at all. I’ll pose this question to you- if your kids were much younger and you lived in the same area as your ex and shared custody, would you still be an advocate of this policy?

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desperate moment on youtube
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2016/01/26 at 2:15 pm
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Select comment Erika M
erikam1998@yahoo.com
104.230.18.222
You’ve presented a valid argument for your no contact policy. As long as you can count on Luke, then it sounds like you’ll be fine going forward. However, isn’t there a good chance that you will have to speak with your ex wife at the rescheduled court appearance? I assume you’ll both be there. Just wondering.

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bridge is out
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2016/01/21 at 11:02 am
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Select comment Erika M
erikam1998@yahoo.com
104.230.18.222
Tom, as always I’m fascinated by your no contact with the ex policy. It looks like your ex-brother-in-law stepped up for you this time, but I’m still amazed that you haven’t found that this self-imposed policy gets in your way more often than it benefits you. Honestly, after all this time what on earth would you have to talk to your ex-wife about anyway? Aside from things relating to your kids, it’s not like she’s going to call you up to chat or something. From what I can gather, your divorce must have been fairly acrimonious so I’m sure that she probably doesn’t want to talk to you anymore than you want to talk to her. What could possibly be the harm at this point in the game? It actually seems like this policy probably gets in your way more than it does hers. For example, if she needs to get ahold of you, then I’m sure that her family members would immediately reach out to you on her behalf. However, when you need to get ahold of her, you are at the mercy of her family members acting as gatekeepers to determine whether or not they will assist you in reaching out to her. This most recent example could have negatively impacted you had someone not felt the emotion in your plea and chosen to help you. I’m not sure who is more angry with who here, but you’ve obviously moved on with your life and it seems to me that it’s time that you let bygones be bygones.

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supercharged not desparate
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2016/01/20 at 11:48 am
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Select comment Erika M
erikam1998@yahoo.com
104.230.18.222
Tom, I remember commenting on that a while back and I remember that I left the topic feeling like your policy of not communicating directly with your ex-wife (while maybe a little unusual) worked for you so I let it drop. Now that the subject has surfaced again, I will say that to me it’s one of the more fascinating subjects you’ve written about. It’s possible that this may be the first time that your policy has ended up getting in your own way.

Obviously I have no idea of the “back story” between you and your ex and until the point in time (if ever) that you blog about it, I’ll consider it none of my business. However, have you considered that this policy may be a contributing factor to your daughter and son’s decision to have limited contact with you? Most times when children are involved there is at least some basic contact between ex-spouses so I think your situation is a little out of the ordinary. It’s been my experience that even in the most cordial of divorce situations children (whether minors or adults) tend to at least to some extent take one parent’s side over the other’s and many times the dad seems to end up being the “bad guy.” Have you ever thought that perhaps by extending an olive branch to your ex-wife you might be taking the first step towards restoring your relationship with you daughter and son?

As my final point, I’ll say that I think it’s interesting that you haven’t had at least some curiosity as to what your ex-wife has been up to during the past decade or so. I know that I’ve been curious about what happened to people that I was involved with in my past (even ones I might consider ly to truly be enemies at this point) and have from time to time tried to see what I could find about them online. I chose the term “interesting” as opposed to “unusual” because maybe my interest in people I had relationships with in the past is really the unusual scenario as opposed to the normal one. I don’t know.

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not exwife’s attorney
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2015/04/27 at 2:20 pm
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Select comment Erika M
erikam1998@yahoo.com
104.230.18.222
I think I probably speak for a lot of people who read your blog when I say that your happiness in speaking to your daughter sends us soaring too! Keep trying- I don’t think that she’ll want to keep you at a distance forever. The same with your son. It may be one step forward, two steps backward but I think you’ll get there even if it sometimes feels like baby steps. From one parent to another- best of luck Tom!

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Sunday family day
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2015/04/21 at 2:14 pm
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Select comment Erika M
erikam1998@yahoo.com
104.230.18.222
Oh Tom- you’d have to be much more critical and sarcastic than that to lose me as a reader!

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stakes are high
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2014/12/11 at 9:23 am
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Select comment Erika M
erikam1998@yahoo.com
104.230.18.222
Tom- if your previous topics would have mortified me, then your current posts would have mortified me to the nth degree. What is a term that is worse than mortification- humiliation maybe? I’m at a loss here.

I can’t imagine too many people, male or female, who would want such sensitive topics put out there on the World Wide Web for all to see.

It’s my understanding from some of your recent blogs that your decade of exile from your family seems to finally be drawing to a close. All I know is that if one of my siblings posted text about someone in our family being considered by some a sexual predator, I would mount an effort to have this sibling wiped off the face of the earth as far as family membership goes.

For someone who seems to consider family to be as important as you do, and who spends so much time blogging about family and family dynamics, I think you are really playing with fire this time.

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I have found my voice
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2014/12/09 at 2:31 pm
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Select comment Erika M
erikam1998@yahoo.com
104.139.45.229
I’ve been following your monthly struggles to get paid by Alejandro with a mixture of both amusement and anger.

My amusement comes from your sarcastic text to this individual. You seem to at least have a sense of humor about the ridiculousness of this situation so I feel it’s okay if I find myself amused by it. It’s almost as if, since he figures your commission is so small, that there is no need for you to receive it promptly.

My anger comes from my own personal pet peeve about people having to ask to be paid for work they are owed. When I was young, I worked a retail job and this was prior to direct deposit. The older gentleman who owned the store would walk around with all of our paychecks in his shirt pocket, yet unless asked, he wouldn’t give out these checks until after 4:00 when the bank that was a few doors down had closed. It used to really piss me off that I had to ask this guy for my paycheck. I did the work- why was it such a damn inconvenience for this guy to pay me in a prompt manner? I told myself right then and there that if I was ever in charge of paying people, that they would be paid promptly and would never have to ask for their money. In my current job, all employees are paid through direct deposit, but a small part of my job does involve reimbursing employees for out-of-pocket expenses and I make sure to do that the same day I receive their expense report.

Damn! I’m getting worked up just thinking about this.

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home court advantage
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2014/11/05 at 2:38 pm
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Select comment Erika M
erikam1998@yahoo.com
104.139.25.106
Okay- that was hilarious! Thanks for my laugh of the day. The way you kept your composure was not only outstanding but it made the whole thing even funnier. It’s been my experience that nothing pisses someone off more than when the target of their anger isn’t buying into the panic and hysteria they are attempting to create.

The highlights for me were the following:
“You have a PHD in foul language?”
“How long till you get your shit out of here?” and then your response, ” It’s probably not going to happen”
“I know it wasn’t being reserved, because there is no reserving”
And my personal favorite, when she accuses you of being “Ooooot of line.”

Classic stuff Tom!

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angry old lady recording
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2014/08/14 at 9:13 am
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Select comment Erika M
erikam1998@yahoo.com
184.56.136.196
Tom, It looks like you are once again on the receiving end of some family trauma. It also appears that you have an extremely large number of family members who own vacation homes! Of course that doesn’t really matter I guess if no one will allow you to rent them. Since you state your willingness to pay full price, I’m curious why you don’t expand your search for vacation rentals outside of your family circle. My family has rented condos for years from rental companies in both Florida & South Carolina and we have had nothing but great experiences. Why the insistence on limiting your options to family members who seem unwilling to accommodate you? Good luck in your search.

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crisis vacation lodging hunt
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2014/07/10 at 10:32 pm
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Select comment Erika M
erikam1998@yahoo.com
184.56.136.196
Tom, I’m still amazed and baffled by your enthusiasm to try and work in the middle of such chaos. In addition to being terribly distracted by all of the foot traffic going by me, I know I would feel completely self-conscious as I’m sure you get constant stares from people wondering what it is you are doing. I guess you have the right type of personality for such a venture so kudos to you!

Erika

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@nearlincoln
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2014/06/29 at 12:30 pm
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Select comment Erika M
erikam1998@yahoo.com
24.142.171.98
Tom- I’ve read your “mom angry” blog posts with interest but haven’t had the chance to comment until now. When I posted my now famous (at least on your blog) “mortified” comment, I never imagined either that it would be your mom who would be the victim. I was simply imagining myself as one of your siblings and how uncomfortable having my personal details put out there for all the world to read about would make me feel. I certainly feel and understand the anger you have towards the anonymous informant. I can’t imagine what good this “tattling” accomplished other than to upset an elderly lady. It’s been my experience that mothers want their grown children to get along with each other and hope that when they are gone these children will continue to have a relationship with each other. Speaking from my experience with my own mom, nothing seems to upset her more than to feel there is some sort of strife between her offspring. Also, I’m glad that you’ve been able to get back on speaking terms with your brother- that’s a great start. I hope to read in the coming months that you’ve been able to accomplish the same with your sisters too. Even better to read would be that you’re back on the same terms with your son and daughter. Here’s hoping!

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mom angry
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2014/02/25 at 9:23 pm
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Select comment Erika M
erikam1998@yahoo.com
24.142.171.98
Tom, that’s too bad that she wouldn’t talk to you. Keep trying and make sure that she knows you’re there when she’s ready. I’m sure at some point in the future she will let you back into her life.

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daughter declined
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2014/01/06 at 1:55 pm
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Select comment Erika M
erikam1998@yahoo.com
24.142.171.98
Tom, I’m fascinated by your mobile office concept, but the burning question on my mind is, “why?” Wouldn’t it be easier, warmer, more convenient, more private, etc. to just work at home? The reason I ask is that my job sometimes requires travel and I do from time to time find myself with laptop and cellphone in a Starbucks, McDonald’s, or other public place and I hate it! I find it hard to concentrate with all the distractions of people around me. I’m also self-conscious about disturbing others and I feel like I am broadcasting to the world when I have to have a conversation on my cell phone. I think I would feel even more self-conscious if I was sitting in a contraption such as your mobile office. Aren’t people constantly staring at you? Isn’t that unnerving or at very least distracting? I do know from following your blog that you are a somewhat unconventional person so maybe this stuff doesn’t bother you, but I have to ask!

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disturbing people on cell phones
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2013/12/11 at 6:37 pm
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Select comment Erika M
erikam1998@yahoo.com
24.142.171.98
Tom- interesting topic. It sounds like you were wounded by their reaction to your tweet and that obviously hurts, so for that I’m sorry. I can only give you my perspective on what it feels like to be constantly bombarded with information I didn’t ask for (be it telemarketing calls, spam texts, spam e-mail, spam twitter, old fashioned junk mail etc.). I have so much information constantly bombarding me all day long that sometimes these “unasked for” intrusions are the straw that breaks the camel’s back. Throughout the workday I’m constantly hit with phone calls, texts, e-mails, etc.that I really don’t want but have to accept because they are work related. When I get home at the end of the day, many times I don’t want to interact with even friends and family members much less people I don’t know who only want my money. Try not to take it personally- they’re not anti-Tom Doody, they’re just anti-interruption/disturbance.

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please error as I do
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2013/10/23 at 4:14 pm
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Select comment Erika M
erikam1998@yahoo.com
24.142.171.98
Deciding who “gets custody” of mutual friends when a marriage ends can be tricky. It’s been my experience that friends tend to side with the spouse who they feel was wronged (i.e. was cheated on, abandoned, etc). That’s the easy way to go, but many times the reality of what was truly going on behind closed doors of a marriage may paint a different picture of who was really the bad guy. The spouse who walked out the door is assumed to have done such a terrible thing, when in reality they were simply the one who was brave enough to leave something that wasn’t working. In my own friendships that have been split by divorce I’ve usually tried to maintain my neutrality and stay friends with both people, but many times one of them won’t “allow” me to stay friends with their ex-spouse and pretty much indicate if I do so, then I can’t remain friends with them. Often, when all was said and done, I’ve ended up remaining friends with neither and losing touch with both. I’m guessing in your situation, you were viewed as the bad guy and I imagine that your relocation probably didn’t help things either.

I can relate to the heartache you feel with these lost relationships and I can tell you from my own experience being on the opposite end of your situation, that with many of those relationships the feelings of loss are probably mutual. Even if you were were initially viewed as the bad guy, time heals and enough time has gone by that I’m sure many of the negative feelings are gone and mostly good feelings and memories remain with a lot of those folks.

I’m pleased if I’ve had any impact or have been any part of your passing a milestone!

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